


Nonsense Office Gossip

by Ratt9, Stormygio



Category: Death Note, Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Comedy of Errors, Drama, Family Drama, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Misunderstandings, Office Sex, Romance, Sexual Humor, Workplace Relationship, Yaoi, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-26 23:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9929591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ratt9/pseuds/Ratt9, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormygio/pseuds/Stormygio
Summary: There's a rumour floating around the task force that L and Light are sleeping together. Their activities during the day certainly aren't helping their case.[*** Humor ***]





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published 6.10.2012 on Fanfiction.net. It's utterly ridiculous and the writing is bad, but it kinda made me giggle so I've decided to post it. :P

"Chief! Chief!"

Matsuda came running up to Soichiro, panting and out of breath. He stopped suddenly, in the process, spilling hot coffee all over Soichiro's shirt.

"Matsuda!" Chief said, crossly.

"Sorry, sorry!" Matsuda cried. "But Chief, did you hear about L and Light?"

"Quit repeating yourself like that. What about them? Did something happen?"

"You bet! They're sleeping together!"

Soichiro gave him a _what the fuck_ look. Dumbfounded, he said, "What?"

"Yep! Everyone is talking about it!"

The chief paused. "...Oh. So it's just a rumour." Though it was only 9 in the morning, his work day already had the tell-tale signs of being long and tiring. With a sigh, Soichiro said, "You shouldn't believe everything you hear, Matsuda."

Matsuda deflated. "Oh, right. Sorry to bother you, Chief." Matsuda glanced at the chief's coffee-stained shirt and rubbed his neck, awkwardly. "Um…do you want any more napkins?"

Soichiro brushed him away. "No, no, I'll go to the kitchen and get some myself." He didn't want to hear any more about alleged sexual rumors involving his son.

"Oh, okay," Matsuda said. "Oh, while you're there, would you go up to Ryuzaki and Light's room to get them? They haven't come down for work yet."

Soichiro nodded and walked off.

* * *

Passing the kitchen, having wiped himself off, Soichiro walked down to Light and L's room to retrieve them. As he approached the door, he heard Light exclaim, loudly, "Wow, Ryuzaki! You have a really big banana!"

Soichiro paused, thinking, _I couldn't have heard that right._ He stepped closer.

"Thank you, Light-kun," came L's monotone. "Light-kun's is quite large as well."

Gaping, Soichiro attempted to burst in on them, to maybe catch them in the act—or some kind of act—but was alarmed to find that the door was locked.

"Ryuzaki? Light?" he called, pushing down his hysteria before it could leave his throat. At the sound of his voice, the two men behind the door fell silent.

After a few minutes, L finally, _finally_ opened the door, and he and Light were soaking wet. "Yagami-san? Is something wrong?"

"What were you doing?" Soichiro asked, breathing deeply.

"Oh, sorry—did we take too long?" Light cut in. "We apologize. Now, did you need us for something?"

Soichiro paled slightly, thinking back to Matsuda and the rumours. "Oh, er…no. Matsuda does. I mean, yes—the task force is waiting for you two."

L nodded. "Of course. We will be down in a moment."

* * *

At lunch, Soichiro pulled Matsuda aside. "Matsuda," he whispered, looking around to make sure no one was listening, "I think I might have heard them talking about it."

"Who talking about what?" Matsuda asked, confused. As if he had already forgotten his little rumor-spreading episode earlier that morning.

"Light and Ryuzaki, talking about… _it_."

Matsuda gave a gasp. "Are you sure?"

Soichiro gave him a look. "Well, no. I can't  _really_ be sure. But they were soaking wet and they took a long time to open the door. They answered my question with a question when I asked them what they were doing."

Matsuda looked too excited for his own good. "That's so—interesting!" Matsuda's pause seemed to stem from stopping himself from saying a different word. Soichiro plastered a disapproving look on his face, inevitably causing Matsuda to revise his response. "I mean, uh, we need to investigate this right away."

"Exactly."

Soichiro began to walk away, Matsuda following him, but what he came across in the main room was a huge shocker.

L sat on his chair in his normal manner, but his hands and arms were underneath Light's shirt. He was rubbing Soichiro's son's chest in a circular motion. The chief gasped in mortification. As if the action itself wasn't bad enough, his son and Ryuzaki were performing this act in a public setting.

"What are you two doing?" he demanded.

As soon as Soichiro spoke, Ryuzaki stopped rubbing and pulled his hands away from Light. L's face was taut. "Oh, Yagami-san. It was nothing."

"You call that nothing?"

"Yes, I do. Nothing important, that is." L threw something into the trash.

Not sure what to say to that, Soichiro sat down and attempted to focus on the Kira case. Needless to say, it wasn't easy.

One by one, the rest of the task force gradually began to return from lunch, and the day progressed slowly.

No one noticed at first when L and Light began arguing quietly amongst themselves, until L said, loudly, "Well, Light-kun wasn't complaining when I helped him to take off his clothing this morning."

"Yeah, well, Ryuzaki wasn't complaining when I had to hold him down just to—"

" _That_ wasn't my fault," L cut in, quickly. "It was simply more painful that I anticipated."

By this point, the rest of the task force was staring at them. Paying the rest of the investigators no mind, they both glared and proceeded to ignore each other, both annoyed.

* * *

As the day finally, finally, came to an end, L and Light got up to leave, and, out of the corner of his eye, Soichiro watched as L nonchalantly smacked Light's ass.

* * *

It was the end of the day. People were already leaving as Soichiro walked down the hall to L and Light's room. He steeled himself for the worst.

Just as he was about to knock on the door, he heard a loud moan come from Ryuzaki, followed by Light's voice saying, "Ryuzaki, that's so sticky!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to squirt it at Light-kun."

That was the final straw; denial no longer had a place in Soichiro's mind as he rushed to Matsuda's room to tell him everything.

* * *

Later that evening, after the chief had explained what he'd seen, Matsuda truly did decide to investigate. He knocked on the door to L and Light's room.

"Come in," L said, and Matsuda entered. Perhaps the door being unlocked was a good sign.

"Hey," Matsuda said, determined to be as blunt as possible. L and Light both sat on the bed holding laptops, looking up as though Matsuda had distracted them from work.

"Yes, what is it?"

Matsuda took a deep breath. "Are you two sleeping together?"

L looked ever so slightly taken aback, tilting his head to the side. "Of course not. Such behavior would be highly inappropriate between an investigator and his suspect." He narrowed his eyes in curiosity. "Why do you ask?"

Matsuda felt a slight heat rush to his face. Desperate to cover for himself, he stammered, "B-because everyone thinks you are. I mean, even, um, me. How do you explain the whole banana thing?"

"You mean our fruit basket?"

"Fruit basket?"

L shifted his body, gesturing to an empty fruit basket on the nightstand. "We had a basket of fruit this morning."

Matsuda blinked. He had the distinct feeling that this was conversation was quickly going to become excruciatingly awkward. "Th-then, what about the 'I took off your clothes, Light-kun' and then 'I held you down, Ryuzaki,' thing?"

"Light's button got caught on his shirt before our shower this morning. I had to help him off with it. As for the holding me down thing, I injured my wrist, and he had to hold me down to help bandage it." Lo and behold, L held up a bandaged wrist. Beside him, Light looked at Matsuda with an eyebrow raised.

Grasping at straws, Matsuda challenged, "Then, what about having your hand up Light's shirt?"

"I merely spilled coffee on him and attempted to clean it up."

"What about the whole, 'That's so sticky,' thing, and the moan?"

"I merely hit my knee on the bedpost, causing me to spill my lemonade on him."

" _Then why did you smack his ass?"_ Matsuda cried.

At this, L gave a mischievous smirk. "Goodnight, Matsuda."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> — Ratt K., 2.25.2017


End file.
